Posts Tagged ‘hospital’

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In Conclusion, Miscarriage #2

July 26, 2009

The spotting got darker so Jack urged me to go the ER. At the ER the bleeding got a little more, and then as I went to change my pad, it came out of me. They kept saying it looks like blood clots, not a fetus or placenta. But I knew. They checked the uterus: empty. My cervix strangely appears closed though it must have opened enough to let out my baby. Four hours and three pinpricks later, I’m home. I’m surprised at how I feel: calm, peaceful almost. I think the pain and torture of this week has drained me of all emotion. Yes you’re pregnant. No you’re not. Yes! No. Yes! And now today, the final affirmative no. I don’t know what the future holds. At the moment I can’t imagine that I’ll ever get to call myself a mother. I can’t imagine getting pregnant again and I can’t imagine waiting for the inevitable miscarriage. The steps I have set out for myself now are 1) have a final chat with my OB-GYN 2) Try to get genetic testing on the fetus 3) See an RE. As much as I like my OB, she is in the business of more than just infertility and pregnancy loss. I need someone who lives and breathes this. It’s worth every cent if this won’t happen again.

The nurses and the techs were very nice. They all said wait 3-6 months before trying again. One told me she had two miscarriages before her four babies. One told me she had . . . wait for it . . . fifteen miscarriages before her three year old daughter. She said she never gave up hope. I ponder the word hope right now. Right now I feel neither hope, nor despair. I’m a constant thinker, I guess its the writer in me, but right now, I can think of nothing. Just the sound of the water running. My fingers tapping on the keyboard. The air conditioner rumbling in the distance. The pain in my uterus as I cramp and bleed between my legs.

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Insurance and my Miscarriage

May 21, 2009

I check the mail today to find a letter from my insurance provider stating in effect that they are determining whether or not they will cover my emergency room bill for April 13, 2008 and if I could provide some information to better help them with their determination.

Yeah, insurance company, that’s the day I had a fucking miscarriage and began hemmoraghing. Was it not enough that minutes after they pronounced my uterus empty, the insurance lady came in inquiring the particulars of my coverage and if I had a copy of my insurance card, and reminding me I forgot to sign some paperwork on releases the insurance company would need in order to cover my fucking miscarriage.

We can argue all we want about universal health care, or not. All I know is that the way things are done right now, this corporate America mentality to health care, this is not only wrong, its inhumane.