My husband [who I will call Jack] and I [who I will call Kate] have been married almost seven years and began trying for a baby January 2008. Months passed and the pregnancy test companies rejoiced at their spike in sales while I mourned another month of trying again. Doctors kept dismissing me, telling me that I just needed more time. Ultimately I found a doctor who diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome [PCOS] and I began taking Metformin. Two months after my diagnosis and medication I became pregnant. I believed this was meant to be. I already visualized the nursery and we named our baby Speck. We saw ultrasound pictures and we were in love. April 13, 2009, a week before my second trimester began, I woke up to blood and in the ER that night, I lost my baby.
This is a blog about my struggles with infertility, a story that is so common, yet still so uniquely painful to each person who endures it. This is also a blog about grief and recovery as I try to move on from losing a baby I never met but loved just the same.