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13dpo and . . .

August 25, 2009

It’s positive.

Faint but definitely there.

I’m happy but scared. This is my third pregnancy in 2009.

I hesitated posting, especially during ICLW. I hope no one finds this and feels the gut wrenching mixed emotions that the news of someone’s pregnancy can give. Please know that though this positive is good, I’m still scared. Please know I’ve struggled for nearly two years to hold a child in my arms. I feel guilty sharing because I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I share because the stories  of others gave me hope on dark nights, and because day has still not broken here. I’m not out of the woods and I need the support of my IF sisters.

This is the first time I conceived on an on-time ovulation.  I only get on-time ovulation after miscarriages which is why this time I did not wait a cycle like my doctor asked. I am hoping and praying this means my egg is fresh, that perhaps it will stick. I’m seeing the hematologist tomorrow who will give me the final verdict on lovenox for my clotting disorder. I’m itching to ask the OBGYN for it now, but a day should be fine.

Please, no congratulations. As most of you know, this positive does not guaruntee anything but gives so much- hope. Please hope with me, but please do not congratulate. The memories of the two I lost in 2009 are still too raw and  I know how much I stand to lose. It won’t be until I have a baby in my arms, healthy and happy, that I will breathe my sigh of relief.

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24 comments

  1. Keeping my fingers crossed tightly for you! I also did not get a positive until later – about 14 dpo, and it was very light when I did. Sending you positive thoughts and love!


  2. Sending lots of loving thoughts and prayers your way! I just got caught up with your other posts too. Maybe that sunflower frame really was a sign. 🙂


  3. Kate, I’m sending you my entire heart filled with hope.
    Your announcement doesn’t make me feel sad about myself – anyone who has suffered a loss knows how this feels for you. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and keep on hoping for you.


  4. I am hoping with you. Hoping that this is your time – you have been through enough.


  5. i am cautiously excited for you, i told you those numbers double quick!


  6. Here’s hoping its a sticky one….and if so, lucky you. Wishing you every luck xxx


  7. sending you lots of positive thoughts and lots of sticky dust…please do not feel you are hurting any of us – you are giving me hope as well..;)


  8. Oh, I am *so* hoping for you!


  9. Oh my gosh, this is good news, I’m hoping too. And you give me hope! I’m glad you decided to try this cycle, sometimes you do have to go with your gut feeling.


  10. Thanks everyone. Fingers and toes crossed. I’m amazed at how blase I am about it this go around. Oh well. I guess its how I’m coping with my fear.


    • OMG, I’m really glad to hear someone else say that, too. I also got a BFP today and am feeling very apathetic about it. Like, yeah it’s great, if it lasts. it sucks so much shit that we have to feel this way. Hopefully we’ll both get bring home spring babies out of this mess and finally see the ocean.

      I’ll save the congrats for 14+ weeks, but at least you’re in the line.


  11. Abiding with you during the WUB and beyond. May you have a simple series of green lights on your way to your dream.

    Glad you got a chuckle out of my Dorkiness!


  12. Sending you *HOPE.*

    I’m so glad you’ll be meeting with the hematologist soon, so you can hatch a plan!


  13. Best Wishes! I’ll be praying for you that it sticks and everything will work out just fine. *ICLW*


  14. Sending lots of hope, crossed fingers and “please stick” vibes


  15. Sending lots of good vibes your way! I hope this is it for you!


  16. Oh Kate – i am happy that you got this positive but understand the nerves too. I pray that this is it for you, that this brings the baby into your arms. And please dont feel guilty for posting a positive that’s what we’re all hoping for and we’re all here to cheer an IF sister on!

    Just to ask when did you embrace Islam? Is your husband muslim too? Sorry if im being nosy!


  17. Sending warm and hopeful thoughts and wishes your way!

    :: ICLW ::


  18. So much hope and love and prayers coming your way, sweet Kate!

    Love you,
    Baraka


  19. Sending you tons of hope and prayers that this is it for you.


  20. i get it. no congratulations.. just hope for a very long future with this little life.. there are no guarantees.. that’s all we can do is hope and pray.

    i’m hoping your angels are watching out for this pregnancy and that this one is it..

    i respect your sweet guilt for not wanting to share when others have lost.. i am so hopeful for you!


  21. I’m hoping right there with you. Sending positive vibes.


  22. I’m sending lots of hope your way!


  23. No congratulations… Just warm thoughts and much hope. So much hope.



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