ICLW, Octomom, 9dpo, and in-laws

August 21, 2009

ICLW: Welcome ICLWers! This is my first time and I’m excited to discover new blogs. Blogging has helped me preserve my sanity in my darkest moments. Since my first miscarriage in April, I write a post nearly every day, sometimes twice a day. Through writing and reading your blogs I’ve learned so much about my conditions and how to be a better advocate for myself. I’ve learned that some things that feel crazy are normal in the world of an IFer. Writing helps me make sense of my world, and reading your blogs helps me remember I’m not alone. I can’t say it enough, thanks for writing and thanks for reading. Only we get we.

Octomom: I’m not proud of myself but I watched the Fox special. [Some think its wrong to call her octomom but she trademarked the name!] I’m not sure what the IF community thinks about her, but I watched with the idea that perhaps this show would reveal a sympathetic person. It didnt. The children looked depressed and angry. Not once did I see any child show affection for their mother though her two year old called her a bitch twice and one of the older children told her she was not the best parent. Not one volunteered to wish her a happy mother’s day.Β  She held one of the octuplets without supporting their heads, chatting with photographers with her manicured nails and the baby spit up and its coming down his little chin and she doesn’t notice because she’s too busy talking about how involved she is. What bothers me most is that IF is a hush hush topic in the US and the people who are notoriously IF, their struggles broadcast to millions is her and John&Kate +8. These rare exceptions sensationalize the topic of IF turning our issues into a circus show. I get that this draws greater ratings but the toxic comments left on message boards about these women are not directed solely at them, but to the IF community in general.

9dpo: Someone in my last post commented that 8dpo brings out the crazies in us IFers. Truer words were never spoken. The wondering of am I? Am I not? is now in full swing. Last night I got up to pee (only happens when pregnant) but then a part of me wonders Is this psychosomatic? Am I making this happen? I’m not nauseous, the boobs aren’t that sore anymore. . . time will tell, but time let me tell you something, thou are a bitch sometimes! And speaking of the tww crazies . . .

In-laws!: If you are new to my blog please read here so you understand my unique in-law woes. In brief though, every time I see them I bleed (i.e. get a period or miscarry). I know logically they’re not the cause of this but the coincidence is frightening. We’re going today toΒ  South Carolina this weekend to see them.Β  I don’t have a choice. It’s a big event and Jack is adamant this is all in my head. I”m sure he’s right. There’s no rational way that my in-laws cause my bleeding. They want grand kids, they’re not sending evil vibes! I’m not even that stressed when I see them. I just don’t get it. He’s ordered me not to touch those pee sticks until we come back because he knows if it shows up positive I. will. not. go. I’m not due for a period until 8/26, so hopefully this means I’m safe. Right? Please tell me its all been a terrible coincidence? Please tell me to chill out and go for long walks and remain calm?

We come back Sunday and I’ll be without Internet while there. If you believe in prayers please keep me in them this weekend.


  1. Being currently 10dpo, I can relate to your “crazies” and to your symptom analysis! I try to make meaning out of every little twinge, it’s just nuts! Hang in there!

    I am so sorry about the timing of your trip to your in-laws. While there is of course no connection between them and bleeding, it must soooo mess with your head. I hope that you will be sure to do things that are kind to yourself while you are there…walks sound great…or some form of relaxation…anything that feels good to you.

    Take care.

  2. Happy ICLW, Kate!

    I’m so glad that I’ve “met” you in the midst of this IF blogosphere sea. =)

    The Octomom makes me want to wretch. That’s all I have to say on that topic. =)

    I’m so sorry that you have to visit the in-laws during this crucial time in your cycle. What are the flippin’ odds??? Anyhow, I’ll be hoping for the best for you, in terms of the in-laws AND a possible BFP!

  3. The whole Octomom thing makes me sick. I didnt watch it. It turns my stomach to even think of her.

    As to your inlaws, I am paranoid and wouldnt go. Because I am so paranoid. I know that makes me a bad person but I would get myself so worked up and if something did, God forbid, happen, I would never forgive myself and wouldnt be able to deal with them again. But, I also POAS even when I know there is no chance of a BFP, so I really am a nutcase!

  4. It’s like your In-Laws are stalking your fertility plans! Obviously, not, for real, maybe… But, I think Michele has a good point. If you are going to be stressed to be around them and especially during this time of unknowns, maybe it isn’t the best plan to be around them. Whatever you can do to minimize stress and keep your calm. On the other hand, if you follow Jack’s line of thinking and get home and it’s a BFP then maybe the curse will have been broken?

    Either way, I’ll be thinking of you this weekend.

  5. Hi, I couldn’t bring myself to watch the octomom special. It makes me sick to even think about it. I hope your trip to your in-laws goes well and that everything turns out ok on your return home. Best of luck in the rest of your 2ww. (I’m originally from SC, my parents still live there. Got married and met my husband in Charleston.) *ICLW*

  6. I think your will to not POAS is incredible. If it were me I would have POAS four times by now, even if my chances were zilch. But then again, I’m nuts like that…
    I hope you have a very relaxing weekend!


  7. I also think that the octomom is a shame to humanity. She didn’t deserve those kids, and she just milks them for fame and money, and I can’t stand to see that!
    Isn’t it funny how we can convince ourselves silly things are real? Like the coincidence involving your in laws becomes a real life conspiracy!

    I will be back to see what the results are after your trip πŸ™‚
    Best of luck to you!

  8. I thought about watching the Octomom special but then forgot!

  9. I missed the Octomom special. (And I still can’t think of that word without secretly saying a similar, but nastier word…) I guess I am not too upset about missing it though.

    9 dpo, yes I would be testing if I were you, so you have more patience than me! As far as your in-laws, YES it is a coincidence and you should not dwell on it, and you should go and have fun and tell yourself that they are really sending you positive, happy, grandbaby vibes! (I’m all for positive thinking at this point in the game.)

  10. The crazies – so much depending on so little.

    Try not to worry about your in-laws (COINCIDENCE) but remember that worrying will have no impact on the outcome. If this is meant to be – it will be.

  11. Whoa. I really hope the in-laws don’t cause more bleeding. Good luck.


  12. The thing about J&K and Octomom that make me upset is that they are so unrepresentative of what IF is like. First of all, neither went through the pain of IF. Octomom was just single, so obviously one person couldn’t get pregnant by herself. Kate did/does have PCOS, but not everyone with PCOS has IF problems. Their first twins were born just after a year of marriage, so they certainly couldn’t have been trying for more than a few months.

  13. well… iclw is a good idea, i enjoy it, but i wish there wasn’t a reward for commenting on all the blogs, then there wouldn’t be as many generic comments. when i leave a comment on someone’s blog i read it and try to comment on something they wrote about, and if i don’t have anything to say, i don’t leave a comment, but that’s just how i roll. plus i’m pregnant now, before, when i wasn’t pregnant yet and we were ttc i never clicked on a blog that had pregnancy in the description, it was just too hard for me, even though a lot of those people struggled just like i did to get there.

  14. That is depressing about the octomom – those poor, poor kids.

    In-laws – it is a coincidence although it would freak me out too.

    I hope you are able to relax a bit – and come back to a bfp.

  15. Happy ICLW!

    It’s probably a coincidence about your in-laws. Although, that doesn’t mean much when your in the middle of “The Crazies”, does it?

    Sending you lots of calming vibes for your weekend. Lots of good JUJU for a BFP, too!

  16. Sending you prayers and positive vibes.

    Octomom, I hate her. ‘Nuff said.

    I hope you’re enjoying your weekend (or at least trying) πŸ™‚

  17. this is my first ICLW too. nice to “meet” you. πŸ™‚

    i didnt watch the special..i just couldnt. she disgusts me and reading about the interview from your post makes me happy i didnt watch it.

    i hope you get a positive from this cycle!

  18. Welcome to ICLW! Isn’t blogging the best?

    Take care,

  19. Good luck to you in this cycle! I just had my IUI, so I am in the 2ww, as well. Try to enjoy your trip and hopefully you will return to a nice surprise!!

  20. Hope the trip goes well. I’m sure it is just coincidence, but it is so easy to get superstitious! Make a new superstition – do a dance and turn the visit into good luck! Happy ICLW. – Tkeys

  21. Hey Kate,

    I’m in Australia and don’t think the Octomom thingo has aired here yet. I did however watch a show recently on cable that followed a couple who were having sextuplets from IVF. I think you are right on the money that they sensationalise these people who are having mega number of babies which really trivialises our own journeys. Australia is a little bit different in the US as it is illegal here to put back more than 2 embryos so there are not a huge number of births 3+.

    Hope the 9DPO crazies aren’t taking you down – hang in there!!

    I am really glad I found your blog through ICLW – it’s fab!!


  22. Totally relate to the crazies, I am at the very place now and desperately trying to suppress all hope and pregnancy imaginings – i figure its better to be pleasantly surprised than crushingly disappointed and since that’s pretty much been my experience these past 18 months, i think im getting better at it, maybe?

    Wow i thought my in laws were bad! My MIL totally made my first IUI more stressful and hellish than it otherwise was (http://thepitter-patter.blogspot.com/2009/06/iui-drama-part-1.html) Im sure you’ll be fine on the trip, probably just TTC nerves, we all have those and I hope you come back to a BFP!

    Glad I found your blog – will be checking in on the regular to see how it all goes! Happy ICLW!

  23. Have a great trip to visit your in-laws! Make it a good one, ’cause if you do get your BFP I’d stay away from them for a while!

    I missed the Octomom show. I wish all those shows talked more about the desire and struggles to have a child instead of making it all seem rosy.

  24. Well good luck on the trip. I would be going insane with worry. But i would still go for my hubby. Just try and think good things lik pp said good grandbaby vibes!!!!

    Octomom… Isn’t a mom at all! She was just a vessel for those kids to get her. A true mom wouldn’t treat her kids like that!! Or use her kids for financial gain (like kate of J&K+8)

    I’m a newbie to ICLW and I’m so glad I found you I plan to come back in and check in and see how the trip went!!! Good Luck!!!!

    Sending you sticky thoughts!!!!

  25. Funny, when I meet up with my in-laws, I just want to make someone else bleed. πŸ™‚ Anyway. Yes, the tww crazies are enough to make a baptist minister drink. I hope the cycle is broken for you! Good luck!

  26. ah, in-laws. i tense up and have panic attacks around them. i don’t understand why… i like them… they like me… but BAM! everytime i see them… LOL

    have a great trip and hopefully you will see that BFP when you get back! πŸ™‚

  27. I’m hoping the trip to the IL’s doesn’t hold up to your other ones.

    I purposely didn’t watch the Octo-Mom show. She gives me the creeps!


  28. Here’s hoping the in law curse is finally broken. Just kidding because there is no curse. it is just a coincidence.

    Octomom is a mental case. She thinks she know what she wants but she changes her story about fame and fortune so often, i think the only thing she really wants is the thing she doesn’t even recognize as the goal – that thing being attention, plain and simple.

    Happy 2ww and ICLW!

  29. Saw that the Octomom thing was on and purposely went right by it. I don’t want to sensationalize and support her any more than I have to…

    I’m hoping your in-law woes are broken this go around!!

    Thanks for your supportive comment on my letting go post. So sweet of you.

  30. Sending love, Kate, and hopes for a bleed free weekend. I am so sorry for the timing and coincidences. Crazy! But I get superstition, I really do.

    hugs to you, and hope the weekend was uneventful and that you were able to get away a little and take care of yourself.

  31. On Octomom- blech. She is not cool.

    On inlaws- I hope by now you have survived and had a blood-free trip. Good luck!

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