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The weirdest angst ridden post yet

August 10, 2009

In my previous post I said I planned not to wait for the next cycle before TTC since after miscarriage #1 the time frame until my first cycle was my most normal ovulation cycle ever and I regret not having taken advantage of that. It appears, I may have ovulated. It’s hard to know if its legit since it should only be about CD6 so I’m basing it on EWCM. Maybe after miscarriage it can happen at any time for no reason as the body readjusts to normal. I know its normal to be worried about a third miscarriage due to low progesterone levels, and the clotting disorder, and PCOS, but that’s not why I’m worried if it turns out I get pregnant this month or within the next three months.

I’m worried because there is a wedding on my husband’s side of the family in my city in November and my in-laws, all of them, will be staying with us to attend. I wrote a little about why I’m freaking out about this here, but to put it short, despite having PCOS and irregular periods whenever I saw my in-laws I’d get my period. Something about being around them (or some huge fucked up coincidence) causes me to bleed when they’re around. I had both of my miscarriages while around them. This past time I miscarried I hadn’t seen them since my last miscarriage when I was at their house (almost four months ago). My conundrum sounds silly but feels frightening. If they come in November I could be anywhere from 2 to ten weeks pregnant all within the danger zone and as tough as a third miscarriage will be anyways, to bleed when they come again will be awful beyond words. I mentioned this to Jack. He said he could fly me down to my parents for that weekend but then I’m afraid to be without Jack during the first trimester.

Now I’m seriously considering waiting to TTC until after November so I can be assured I won’t have to see them for a good long while before I conceive. But Speckie was to be born November 3. I’d really been hoping to be pregnant before his due date. This is a stinky place to be. Wanting a baby beyond belief. Wanting to TTC, but wondering if I should not based not on science but a coincidence that has haunted me for years with my in-laws.  It all feels so confusing to me as there is fear in waiting since who knows if I’d get pregnant anyways in these next few months, and fear in trying because if I do I don’t know how I can deal with his family. I mean, its a wedding, they’re coming, I can’t stop them from landing on my front porch. sigh.

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6 comments

  1. Get out of Dodge. I don’t care if it’s some kind of twisted coincidence, there’s no way you can be around them if you’re pregnant then. Don’t even take the chance to prove that it’s more than just coincidence.


  2. Oh sweetie… I can feel the angst. And honestly, I cant say that I am less superstitious about things. Especially when they have coincided more than once. I think you should do whatever feels right, even if that means telling them to stay somewhere else.


  3. With how your in-laws have treated you in the past, I would have no hesitation about telling them to stay somewhere else, especially considering this recurring coincidence. The body responds to stress in different ways, and I think your in-laws definitely give you a huge load of stress!
    It’s awful that his parents have put you in this situation where you feel like you can never please them, but yet they do nothing but continuously insult you. If I were in your shoes, I would be a little “selfish” and go ahead and try, then tell them to stay somewhere else.


  4. that is definitely a hard situation because even though it is probably a coincidence, of course you correlate the two, how could you not. the thing is that even though them being there probably didn’t have anything to do with the miscarriages, uou are going to be all freaked out about it, and you cannot be all freaked out when you are pregnant because that can cause problems, i say go visit your parents, you are strong and you can be away from your husband for a couple of days.


  5. Hey Kate,

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. I guess I don’t have a specific post about my “condition,” but I can sort of explain. I guess I should update my info and say a little bit more about what the blog is about! I haven’t updated my info since I started the blog! Eek!

    Anyway, yes, I do have PCOS like you do! Yay for us! So, I’ve had irregular periods and at the current time I haven’t had a “period” since September 2008… which means… I haven’t ovulated since potentially Sept. ’08. *sigh* And if that’s not enough… I have a bicornuate uterus, which means that my uterus is mis-shaped and I was told that even if I manage to get pregnant, I have a greater chance of miscarrying because the space in my uterus for the baby to grow may not be sufficient. Double-yay for me! So yeah.. I guess technically if luck comes my way, I could have my own baby.. but almost going on a whole year without having a period I’m getting pretty hopeless and re-evaluating my options.

    Sorry for the LONG comment!! :S


  6. Hey guys, you make some really good points. While I won’t be able to not let them stay at my house, I can arrange to be out of town if I am in fact pregnant. I know they will be upset but I have to take care of myself. This is all assuming I get pregnant again with ease. SIGH.

    Alison, thanks for the explanation. Still, the fact that you haven’t had a period since 9/08, isn’t it worrying your doc? Did they put you BCPs or give you progesterone to induce a period? I’m surprised a doctor would let that go on like this for so long.



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