A plea for advice on how to miscarry

July 22, 2009

My last miscarriage came out of the blue and in 12 hours it was over. This one is different since I’ve been informed I have miscarried but am not bleeding. I got two hours of sleep so woke up to call in sick and hoped to fall back asleep but now I have this weird pressure on my abdomen area. Not strong. Not contractions. Just pressure. Kind of like when I’m on the second day of a period. Has anyone reading sat around (or know someone who did) waiting to miscarry? Is there a process I can expect? How long should I wait? Is this cramping indicating the process has begun? Any advice or personal anecdote would help me. Surprisingly Dr. Google is turning up nothing.



  1. Since I found out on a Friday that my previous pregnancy wasn’t viable, I had to wait until Monday for a D&C. That weekend was longer and harder than anything. My doctor’s expectation was that I would miscarry on my own that weekend. I didn’t. I know how hard it is to sit around and wait and wonder at every little twinge or cramp.

    If I were you, I’d push for the D&C if you think your doctor will cave–as rough as that is, at least it’s over and you can do what you can to pick up the pieces and move on.

    My doctor also offered me an “abortion drug” that basically forces a miscarriage. I can’t think of the name of it, but if I do, I’ll let you know. I didn’t want to try it . . .it seemed too cruel to me. With the drug, it seemed like it was more MY choice to force the miscarriage. With the D&C, it seemed like I had less control over “making” the pregnancy end. But if your doctor is dead set against doing the D&C, the drug may be worth asking about.

    If there’s ANYTHING I can do for you, please please please tell me. Even though I know firsthand what it feels like, I still feel helpless and don’t really have the words to console you in any way. Maybe it’s because I remember it TOO well, and know that words don’t help and they don’t take the pain away.

  2. Here from LFCA.

    And heartbroken reading your story. FWIW, I have LA, too. And it sucks.

    I’m so sorry.

  3. no advice but lots and lots of love and light for you. I am so so sorry.

  4. I’ve had 3 natural m/c. My first was missed for over a month and I didnt bleed. I eventually took some high doses of progesterone and once I stopped, began cramping a few days later and then bleeding. With my 2nd, it took about 2w for me to start bleeding on my own. There was cramping and then the bleeding began. With my 3rd, I started cramping and bleeding on the day of my beta.

    I knew that I couldnt do a D&C. I needed to know that the baby had really died and that there wasnt a chance at a miracle. Letting my body naturally miscarry was the only way for me. It was hard but I wouldnt change it looking back.

    If you ever need to chat, please dont hesitate to email me or stop by my blog.

  5. First, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. My miscarriage started with pressure and cramps. It started a couple days after I found out it wasn’t a viable pregnancy. Almost like when my mind knew, my body could let go.

    By the way it sounds like you and your dad have an amazing relationship.

    Take care of yourself.

  6. When I had my miscarriage, I had cramps all day the day before I went into the emergency room – like cramps during a period. Of course, I didn’t know what it meant at the time.

  7. I don’t have any advice for you, as I haven’t experienced a miscarriage.

    But I just wanted you to know that I’m still thinking about you often, praying that you’re able to get through the process.

    I really can’t tell you how sorry I am. *hugs*

  8. My miscarriages have all been very early -about a week, and they feel like regular periods, perhaps a bit more painful, bit more blood.

    I’m sorry Kate. Really sorry.

  9. no advice. I can’t imagine the emotions you must be going through right now. I am so, so sorry. Sending lots of hugs.

  10. God I am so sorry you’re going through this. I remember I had the same question when I found out about my missed m/c but i didn’t have the blog and didn’t really have anyone irl that I could ask. No one with any experience. It is AWFUL to be burdened with such bad news and then have to make an intelligent decision about what’s best for you on top of that with no answers in sight. It was really hard for me to balance my interest in making an informed decision with my interest to just have it the eff over with and move on. I knew that one of my friends had gone with D&C so I did the same thing. But I don’t know that I’d go for the D&C straight away again. My Dr. didn’t tell me about the associated risks so when I found out about them (primarily the risk of scarring) I spent the months afterward worried that I had asherman’s or scarring or something equally scary. I remember swearing that if it happened again I’d do the medical route. There are medications you can take to hasten the process. I don’t think it’s pleasant but it may preserve future fertility better than a D&C. Especially if you’ve had D&Cs in the past.

    Good luck. Let me know if you want to chat more, about anything: astrid.del@gmail.com

  11. I have no good advice for you, only warm hugs and love.

  12. Thank you everyone for your support and your comforting words and your advice. As you can see from my newest post, results are very very confusing at the moment.

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