How to Pass TimeJuly 17, 2009
Tuesday is my ultimatum day. The day I find out if my HCG levels are rising. If rising, its the day of my ultrasound to see if there’s a heartbeat and date the pregnancy. As I stated in my previous post, my progesterone levels are low. They are 9.5 when it should be 15+. The doctor said progesterone supplements won’t save a pregnancy dying anyways. Low progesterone levels can indicate a failing pregnancy. Not always, but often. She said don’t ruin your weekend panicking. We might find out Tuesday that all is well and you worried for nothing. That’s easier said than done, when I heard these same words about three months ago on a similar phone call with a similar fear.
I’m in shock. I’m angry. I’m sad. I can’t wrap my mind around this. Jack says its good to be prepared at least. We weren’t prepared last time. This time we have advance warning. I don’t know what’s better. I know that not having to worry about a miscarriage would be the best alternative.
I have no earthly idea how to pass the time. Tomorrow when Jack goes to play basketball I’m going to go a bookstore and work on my manuscript and read books on formatting and how to submit. Other than that I’m stumped. I need to pass these next 88 hours without losing my sanity.
Praying for a sunflower miracle in my life. Why does this have to be so damn hard