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Meant to be . . .

July 15, 2009

Jack said something and immediately apologized explaining he didn’t mean it as it came out, but its stuck with me. We were talking on the phone and I said, So it hard for me to GET pregnant with PCOS and then when I do get pregnant by miracle of miracles my body has also seen fit to make it hard for me to keep my pregnancy thanks to this auto-immune disorder. Jack responded with Sometimes it feels like we are not supposed to be parents. If there are so many obstacles in our path maybe its just not meant to be. I didn’t get mad because he’s entitled to feel as he does and I said nothing. He called a few hours later and said he didn’t mean it that way. The fact that we want it and are doing everything we can means that we will appreciate it more once a healthy baby is in our arms. I believe him, I think he was frustrated for a moment, and we’re all entitled to a dark thought.

I don’t know. I mean as far as I know I’m still pregnant. Hopefully I will stay pregnant.  I guess if I had nausea or something else this would feel more real but I have no symptoms or signs so it keeps me distanced to some degree from this pregnancy. I have hope that I’ll stick it through pregnancy and have a healthy happy baby at the end of this but it’s just hard to hang on to that right now as I look at the odds stacked against me.

I was so good about not being impatient for tomorrow’ appointment and now that its less than 24 hours away, with this new diagnosis and the now increased risks of miscararriage, 2:30pm tomorrow may as well be two years away.

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3 comments

  1. This sounds just like my DH. I completely broke down when he said something like this earlier this year – how could they given all that we’re going through to make a baby happen!? But I’ve come to realize that these comments can be chalked up to – guys do not know what to say in some situations, however well-meaning they may be. They just don’t have a clue sometimes and nothing that comes out of their mouth can be taken seriously. Does that make it hurt any less? No. Should they be more sensitive and thoughtful. Yes they should. But try not to let it get to you (easier said than done, I know!). He was probably trying to make you feel more at peace with the situation and it just came out all wrong and had the opposite effect. It’s a really really good sign that he called back and gave you some sign that he realized his mistake. Really good.


  2. I agree, its sometimes said to fill in the space I think. Guys are “solution oriented” and so I thinkwhen I said that it was the first thing that slipped out of his mouth. I’m glad he apologized too, and without prompting!


  3. i was just thinking in the shower today about how some people find a lot of comfort in the idea of things as being “meant to be” or “not meant to be”…but this idea has never brought me comfort…the way i see it, many things are actually very much *meant to be*, but sadly in this life, simply are not *able* to be—and often for unexplainable/unknowable reasons…



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