Those Two Pink Lines. Sinking In.July 9, 2009
So I saw those two pink lines and I laughed and smiled and felt the emotions one feels, but I think it really hit me about an hour ago when I woke up at 2:30am to pee. I came back to bed and Jack whispered, did you pee? I whispered yes and he leaned over and kissed me. Since then I’ve tossed and turned unable to sleep as it fully hit me, this might be really happening. I have two lines.
How is it biologically possible, I keep wondering. I had EWCM on June 16, CD35. We had sex 2-3 days before that, and maybe a week after that. At no point in the CD30 onwards did I actually think doing the deed would lead to a child because I didn’t think it could happen so late in my cycle. Hell, I’m on CD 60 right now! I skipped a cycle and got pregnant? Can that happen? Huh?
I’m not sure why I can’t sleep. I think I’m excited. Happy. Nervous. And okay, I admit it: SCARED. I have NO clue how far along I am since I dont know when I conceived but why don’t I have any major signs? Give me nausea and every other symptom in the book if it means this pregnancy will be viable. Today I cramped and turned pale wondering if blood was coming. Praying and meditating has helped center me better and I hope they will tide me over these next three months because as any of you who have tried for so long and miscarried know, your innocence is gone once you’ve had a miscarriage. You know the other foot can drop and the key then is to figure out how to spend your time without the constant fear and worry of when it will. So far I was doing okay but for the inability to sleep at the moment. I’m resisting any urge to research or read pregnancy books. I’m trying to repeat a mantra, that what is meant to be will and I have no control and therefore worrying won’t help anything. But- Please Please Please God, give me a happy healthy child at the end of this.