My upcoming OBGYN visit

June 23, 2009

3:15 today I go to see my OBGYN. I’m nervous. Why are you nervous? Jack asked me this morning. I’ve thought about it. Why am I nervous. I don’t get any test results today.  It’s a consult. We’re just talking. I’ve thought about it and these are some of my reasons:

1. I’m afraid she won’t give me progesterone to induce my period. I’m on CD43. My longest cycle to date. In December when my period was delayed and I called to ask for it, she said no, that because I have PCOS I needed to just wait it out.

2. I’m afraid she’s going to tell me to wait three more cycles before giving me Clomid.

3. I’m afraid I’m not going to like her timeline for me in general.

4. I’m afraid she will retract her promise to test me for auto-immune issues, etc to determine a possible cause for my miscarriage.

5. I’m afraid that even if she agrees to work with me her time line is going to be very very long. It’s difficult to get fit in for appointments with her.

6. I have been having the weirdest things happening. Lower back pain. Things rumbling in my ovaries. My boobs swell from time to time. I’m afraid she will dismiss this all and give me no explanation.

7. I’m afraid I will break down seeing pregnant women around me, and remembering I’d be in my fifth month right now.

and . . .

8. I’ll  POAS and she’ll likely do a blood test to make sure I’m not pregnant. I know I’m not. I can tell myself this until I’m chanting like a Buddhist monk saying nothing but these words as my mantra, yet still, when she tells me: Negative. It’s going to sting like a slap. Am I the only one who not only feels sad when they see the BFN, but also embarrassed?

I am trying to accept my infertility, and the feeling of no control. The doctor has the control. She is my key to the one thing I want most in this world. I stare at her, a prisonor in my own body, asking for her help. We are so vulnerable at the doctor’s office. I know I will see an RE but today, its just a little stressful.


  1. Have all your questions, requests and reasonings jotted down. That way you won’t forget anything. I’m so sorry the OB/GYN is so frustrating. I felt the same way, like my requests were lost in the huge shuffle of patients they see every day.

  2. Good luck. I know their timelines are the worst. It is so very frustrating. And I feel silly when I get negatives too. I feel especially silly when I don’t believe them and test the next day and the next and they’re all negative. But you can’t really blame us. I figure, it’s better to know – we just want more info. No reason to feel silly. Good luck w/ the appt.

  3. waiting for meds sucks!

    In response to your question about Met, I tried it for 6 mos before we were TTC, when I was reluctant to use BCP due to h/a. I never O’d then, so the RE said once we were TTC, I could go straight to Clomid, if when I came off BCP, I didnt get AF for two months, which I didnt.

    I’m back on Met, but I’m not IR, so who knows. It helps me maintain my weight though.

    I went to an RE right away when I was Dx with PCOS, even though we werent TTC. Is that an option for you? That might help things go faster?

  4. omg you need to get a referal to an re when you are there! all of these things will be non-issues then! and if she doesn’t want to give you one then find one yourself, she should know that you really should be seeing an re at this point, especially since you have pcos.

  5. I agree you should get an RE referral. Also, don’t be afraid to push your requests. I know sometimes I feel like I’m acting a bit of a bitch, but it’s your body and about certain things, you know better than a doctor might! Especially about the meds to start your cycle. There’s no reason to wait if you are not pregnant. With PCOS you never know when it might come around – that’s just to much stress and strain on your life. I’ve taken the meds 2 times now and never had an issue with them.

  6. Good luck sweetheart – I’m thinking of you today – and always.

    Love you,

  7. when i get a negative, i feel embarrassed, too….and even moreso right now b/c i can’t remember how to spell embarrassed. 🙂

  8. Hi, I’m Barbara from Fairhaven Health and we manufacture natural, doctor-designed products to help couples conceive. We offer supplements, teas, diagnostic tools, etc. including products such as FertilAid for Women and Men. I’ve been reading your blog and you’ve got some great content! If there’s interest on your part, we’d be happy to send you product samples for you to review or to use as giveaways. Just fyi, we’re by no means a large pharmaceutical company and are committed to helping women conceive safely and naturally. I can be reached via Barbara@FairhavenHealth.com.

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