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This and that

June 19, 2009

Thanks to advice I received from my blogging community I talked to Jack and we’re seriously considering seeing an RE. I know a good one who worked wonders (i.e. two babies) for a friend of mine with PCOS, so I know he’s good. The only problem has been insurance doesn’t cover it and its a helluva pricey bill to foot. I felt if my OBGYN is giving me Metformin and I got pregnant under her watch, shouldn’t I just stick with her? I tell myself this but then I also feel she isn’t moving me along as fast as I would like. I have an appointment with her on Tuesday so we’ll see what she has to say. Jack said he supports me seeing an RE if I’m not pregnant this cycle, so we may do that depending on Tuesdays meeting.  Thank you so much for giving me advice guys. It’s thanks to this blog that I went to a new doctor when all this began. People told me to ditch a doctor who insisted I didn’t have anything wrong with me and be my own best advocate. Thanks to that I got diagnosed. So I appreciate it so much.

I went to see my therapist today and it helped me deal with how I’m feeling. I want to share some of it because I know many reading are dealing with IF and surely have felt as I do, and maybe some of this might help you. The first thing is I need to stop taking a HPT every day. The new rule for me is twice a cycle, one week apart, and I can only buy off the internet to prevent myself from going to CVS and buying a three pack. The effect of BFN every single morning can single handedly ruin my day. I should also limit my internet “researching” to 30 minutes a day and try to make weekends “research free” days. By research I mean googling for signs and symptoms, and scary stories and hopeful stories. To a certain point its good to know, but once you pass that point, you are not helping yourself, you are stuck. The most important one was not to talk about this incessantly with your spouse because if you stop and just fixate on one thing you are harming your marriage. A marriage is multifaceted and to make this the entire center of your life is unhealthy. He also said to find some peace through prayer, meditation, etc. I’m struggling hard to find my way back to spirituality. I once was strong but lately I am weak, this makes it harder to accept this as meant to be, a test, happening for a reason. I know I need to find a way to center myself. He also said exercise helps burn adrenaline and should be incorporated on the daily. I was exercising regularly but when you get depressed, you don’t want to do anything. I plan to resume again tomorrow.

I’m reading a book called “Get Off Your ‘But'” and this quote really struck me: Pain is inevitable. Eventually, it touches us all. Suffering, however, is optional. Lately, I’ve been suffering a lot. I accept that infertility is a pain that is my reality, but the suffering, I need to get a handle on it. I’m not sure how to do this yet, but I am starting to actively try.

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5 comments

  1. sounds like your therapist had some very useful advice, i know it’s hard to move through this stuff though. i really hope you start seeing an re soon no matter what your ob says, especially since you have pcos.


  2. Seeing and RE is great idea. I know it’s expensive, I’ve been paying for it all on my own since they made my diagnosis. It’s tough, and sometimes frustrating. However, it’s also going to help you feel more like you’re accomplishing something. Looking towards the next appointment, next medication, next procedure – at least you don’t feel like your sitting around doing nothing.


  3. I’m so glad you saw the therapist. I didn’t realize you started every day with an HPT! Bless your heart, no wonder every day started with a dark cloud.

    I found my RE by going to our insurance website first, then finding one that was in-network. Hopefully you’ll find one where at lest some of it will be paid for or reimbursed.


  4. Kate and Meggomae, I’ll be making an appointment this week, thanks SO much for your advice. Im sick of being stuck in no mans land and hopefully the forward motion will make me feel better.

    Stacey, yeah… I dont know how that happened but it was unhealthy and I’ve stopped doing it now. I really wish RE’s were covered but I checked with my insurance and they are not covered 😦 I will likely go through my OBGYN to take care of the HSG, etc because that can be coded under “abnormal periods”… but anything exclusively fertility related is just not covered.


  5. my laparoscopy, done by my re, was coded under “painful periods.” my insurance covered it and it did not go towards my piddly $3000 maximum lifetime infertility benefit. most re’s code things so insurance will cover them as much as possible without committing insurance fraud.



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