Thoughts while awaiting a periodJune 14, 2009
I’m on CD32, still no period. I’m determined not to take a pregnancy test until Friday. That would be CD37 and by then any results will be accurate. It’s funny, I’ve been wanting to drink a lot of water lately, I have an unquenchable thirst. This was my first symptom of pregnancy last time though at the time I did not think of it as a symptom but instead just got weirded out at my high level of thirst. Later I read its an early preggo symptom. That’s the one and only symptom these days for me, if it is a symptom at all. I tell myself I dont think Im pregnant and I tell myself not to raise my hopes, but then when I feel a twinge down there, I tense wondering if my period is coming, and when I tense the thought that instinctively comes to mind is no no no, please no, please let me be pregnant. And this thought sounds so whimpery and pathetic I feel slightly annoyed that I am so vulnerable to the monthly workings of my body.
I’m debating taking my prenatal pills. I avoid taking them lately because taking them reminds me of Speck. I am someone who focuses a great deal on the small things, for better or worse. When I was pregnant, I took the pills and I imagined its nutrients nourishing my speck. I imagined it so well, now I feel strange taking it on an empty womb. But today, I am tempted to resume taking my prenatal vitamins. I’m only afraid it will hurt harder if come tomorrow I bleed.