A perfect portrait but for the holeJune 11, 2009
Jack asked me today, Help me understand: You have a loving relationship with your brothers and parents, you and I get along wonderfully, you’re quitting a job you hate to pursue a dream, we travel the world together, and eat lots of delicious chocolate chip cookies. Your life is the same as it always was. Yes you want something, but even if you don’t get that, what you have, isn’t that good?
This is how I can explain. Imagine a drawing, a cartoon drawing you make as a kid. The portrait has a stick figure boy, and a girl, a big heart between them. Next to them is my parents and brothers all cute stick figures with big smiles. There is green grass and a lake nearby and fish swimming with wide grins. You see a house in the back with a little chimney, and I’m holding an album of “Our travels” in my hand. Now imagine a hole. A rip on the top right hand corner of the page. It’s a large hole. It does not take away from what’s drawn on the page but its there, and you can’t help but notice this ugly hole just there. The more you try not to look at the hole the more you see it. Soon its all you can see.
That’s where I am right now. I’m trying to learn how to co-exist with that hole. I’m trying to appreciate the rest of the picture. The difference between Jack and me is this: Jack thinks I see the world mourning for what was never there. I look at our world and I see something missing. There is a difference.