Birth Control Pills and my crack habitJune 9, 2009
Watching a birth control pill commercial and I feel wistful. They don’t want no baby and they are in control. I want a baby, and I have no control. Can I possibly convince myself that being childless is my own choice? If I were a master at self delusion, what a charmed life I would then lead.
I’m on CD27 and took another pregnancy test: BFN. I tested on CD33 when I was pregnant and got a BFN. I tested CD 39 and got my BFP. I knew what the results would be. I feel like a crack addict. Like a junkie, I spend tons of money on something I know is no good for me, I hide in the bathroom to get my fix, Jack knows I dabble but has no idea how much of our hard earned money is flushed down that toilet. As soon as I’m done, I feel horrible, but i’m pining for my next fix.