A baby with JackMay 28, 2009
Someone I once cared about is attending my brother’s wedding. It’s been ten years since I’ve seen him and he’s now married with a one year old baby. Today we had the first of visitors for the wedding arrive. He is invited due to family connections his wife has to us. Small world. His wife stopped by to say hello and brought her daughter. Her daughter is beautiful with light brown hair wide blue eyes and cheeks that make you want to pinch and squeeze. She was born nine months after their wedding. I considered this man I almost married. He had multiple relationships while promising himself to me. He dropped out of college due to what I later learned was a drug habit. He broke my heart. Now, I see his daughter and though she is gorgeous I felt nothing, just a shudder at the thought of how a child with him would have tied me to him forever. I could only see her and think, I am so glad I did not marry you. If God could come down to this earth and promise me if I married him that I would have a fertile womb and bear beautiful children, I would shake my head and say no thank you. My desire for a baby is more than just a desire to be a parent. It’s a desire to be a parent with Jack. To have a child who is a combination of the two of us, and if not that to raise a child together as ours with Jack. I want Jack’s baby. Seeing Gideon’s daughter helped me realize how important it is for me to appreciate the good and decent man I married. Though we don’t have children at least I have him. I would not trade Jack for anything, not even a promise of a child with another. I want a child with Jack and if I never have children, I am still blessed to have Jack in my life.