I am more than my infertility

May 23, 2009

This blog is  my place to release my frustrations surrounding my infertility and the pain of my miscarriage. From what I’ve read it seems I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed by the inability of my body to do what for so many is effortless. My doctor said it will take me three to six months to grieve my loss. It seems I am normal in how I feel but I want to also say that I am more than just this though sometimes it is a struggle to define myself outside of these challenges I face.

I have PCOS. I am infertile. I had a miscarriage that haunts me. But-

I am a reader. I read anything and everything as long as its well written. I am a writer. I’ve written a full length novel that I am currently revising. I am a traveler. I love experiencing other cultures. I am a decent cook (though I hate cleaning up afterwards) and I am kick ass at Taboo (most times). I am an attorney. I represent low income kids with disabilities with their legal issues. I like helping children, but I often doubt my decision to go to law school because I really dislike the confrontational aspects of law. I probably will quit my job in September and try to pursue my dream of writing full time to see where it leads me. I love grapefruits, and chocolate in any form. My favorite color is pink.  I am a wife. A sister. A daughter. A niece. A friend.

It is a struggle some days to remind myself that I am more than an infertile miscarrying PCOSer. It is difficult sometimes to not discount all I’ve acheived and all that I am because of this one important area in which I feel like I am failing. It is a matter of constant reminding and convincing of the objective truth that I am a full human being, and should not be defined solely in the areas that I am incomplete.


  1. i got my sunglasses at go-optic.com and my glasses at giarre.com.

  2. I struggle with keeping the big picture in view, too. When I look at life as a whole, I feel so lucky and so very blessed. But I get so easily sucked back into infertility obsession. It’s a daily struggle to keep it all in perspective. I’m so sorry for your loss, and thanks for sharing your story.

  3. This is awesome! I, too, have been trying to focus more on what I love doing – writing, composing, sketching, researching health – instead of dreading how long it will take to conceive again. I hope you will finish your novel and follow your dream. I’m in need of a major career shift, myself.

  4. I really like this post. It reminds me of something our worship leader said at church. He talked about separating “facts” and “truth.” Your facts are what is going on in your life right now. For you, you are struggling with this crap called infertility. You have lost a baby which was devastating. You do have PCOS. Those are facts.

    But the truth, yes, the truth is that you are an amazing woman of God with incredible faith. You love many, and you are loved by many. You are multi-talented and multi-faceted. And God isn’t finished with you yet. 🙂

    I’m glad you are taking time to appreciate all the wonderful things that you have and that you are!

    Keep the faith!

  5. Thanks Kate.

    Iamstacey, thanks for commenting and for your condolences. It’s a difficult journey but it is a journey and there are other things along the way.

    Jeanine- Thanks Jeanine. I hope we both take the shift we need.

    Gabby- thanks for your comment. Question… a question I ask everyone of strong faith is how do you keep the faith when struggling through this time? I’m genuinely curious because though I do believe, I am personally struggling to stay strong.

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