Ways I sometimes blame myselfApril 24, 2009
1. I flopped down on my stomach once when I went to bed.
2. I lifted a suitcase onto the overhead compartment on a flight.
3. I worried.
4. I started pre-natals a week after I found out I was pregnant.
5. I complained about my nausea once.
6. I drank tea.
7. I got upset over my JOB. Or a letter from the HOA to FIX MY MAIL BOX. Or something my MIL said. Or my WEIGHT and wondering how I’d lose the baby weight when I’m not at the WEIGHT I want to be at now. I did not fully appreciate my baby. I focused on shit that was unimportant and didn’t just remain grateful night and day that I was pregnant and I should be happy. So he was taken from me. For my ungrateful nature.
8. I didn’t push my doctor on getting progesterone shots when she said I didn’t need them.
9. I forgot to take my metformin medication one night.
10. I wasn’t skinny enough.
11. I yelled at my SIL
12. I considered a friend’s offer to throw me a baby shower. I counted my chickens before they hatched.
Logically, I know that many of these reasons are illogical. I know that one missed dose of Metformin, which was just recommended and optional, did not result in the miscarriage. A friend pointed out Octo-Mom has 14 babies and she’s not a saint to the world. I get that on an intellectual level. But the base instinctual part of me turns against myself. I guess it is natural to try to find someone to blame.