June 21, 2008

Well- I’ve noticed a cyclical cycle (silly statement as cycles are by definition cyclical…anyhow, I digress) where I get hopeful after a period (or a weird anovulatory period) that THIS MONTH WILL BE THE MONTH I WILL CONCEIVE MY DAUGHTER…. and then the agonizing weight as my wayward cycles chooses when to come and I wonder constantly am I pregnant? and then ofcourse the crushing crushing feeling when the bleeding of a period tells you- NOPE. Its a cycle of hope, agony, disappointment, despair, sadness and then hope.

We are doing the BD every single day. I thought it would feel like a chore, but it doesn’t so far.

This is month four. I’m happy for people who have kids again… I dont necessarily scroll through ALL the pictures of the happy family, but I no longer feel jealousy, but I know that this is cyclical… and it will come again to haunt me in a few weeks time. SIGH.


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