I must not be jealous of the fertility of others

June 18, 2008

This needs to be my mantra. Jealousy. Its an emotion I never understood before. People would say “X is jealous of Y” or “Bob is jealous of you” and it baffled me, why would anyone feel jealousy for another. I’m not even that far into the journey of infertility but already jealousy afflicts me. I see a pregnant mother complaining about the accident that is her unborn child and I feel an anger sear through me with a shock that frankly… shocks me. Jealousy is an awful emotion. Its a dark cloud that is of your own making. Its a negative black hole which sucks in everything around it. Jacks’s sister had her second baby today. I am so happy for her, I called and congratulated and smiled. And then I hung up, and I wept. This is unacceptable. I will repeat the mantra of this subject heading until it is seared into my skull.

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