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Almost day 35

April 27, 2008

Serious PMS pains. But AF isn’t here yet. Jack is convinced I am pregnant. He is convinced I have a glow to me. I wonder to myself. Was I pregnant perhaps? My symptoms were unlike any I ever experienced, and my boobs seriously grew. I have a spouse who can verify this and bras that suddenly felt tight. I had headaches unlike I ever got. So was I pregnant? Did I drink too much tea? I read that the reason caffeine is bad is because a baby’s heartbeat is so fast that when you raise your own heartbeat so much you can give the baby a heart attack. Well, something like that. I haven’t been to worried because i don’t think any hypothetical baby has a heartbeat yet. Its still a bunch of cells. I think. AND my heart rate is remarkably low. 33-45 resting. If it goes up a little its still not going to go to high levels that trouble me. Did I do something wrong?

But I digress. Jack is convinced. My mom is convinced. But how can I tell them that negative pregnancy tests mean something at 20 days post ovulation? that I feel my breasts losing tenderness though they are still more dense than I have ever felt them? But beyond these, I can feel my period coming. I know its coming. I know I am not just as much as I thought I knew that I was three weeks ago.

In some ways I want AF to hurry up and come so the next cycle can begin. In other ways, I know that not only will I be disappointed my family will too. And that hurts most of all.

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4 comments

  1. I usually don’t lurk on other people’s blogs, so I’ll leave a short comment. I’m sorry that you’re having so much trouble TTC. It took 36 months for my husband and I. I know just how it can be. I hope that your journey is short. Good luck. A couple of sites I recommend (you may already know of them) is Fertility Friend (they offer free charting and with a paid subscription you can get more features and chat on their forums), and also conception-obsession (a free forum for women TTC). Again, good luck and best wishes on your journey to baby.

    Mindy


  2. Mindy, thank you so much for leaving a note of hope and comfort. I appreciate it. Thanks for the links to the sites as well. Do you have a blog? I can’t seem to link from your name. I would love to visit it.


  3. I’m confused; have you been diagnosed with infertility? The “in the beginning” category is for people starting treatments or just receiving the diagnosis. Have you guys been trying for over a year?

    Hope you get good news and this cycle is a pregnancy!

    Mel


  4. Still thinking of you. {hugs}



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