Almost day 35April 27, 2008
Serious PMS pains. But AF isn’t here yet. Jack is convinced I am pregnant. He is convinced I have a glow to me. I wonder to myself. Was I pregnant perhaps? My symptoms were unlike any I ever experienced, and my boobs seriously grew. I have a spouse who can verify this and bras that suddenly felt tight. I had headaches unlike I ever got. So was I pregnant? Did I drink too much tea? I read that the reason caffeine is bad is because a baby’s heartbeat is so fast that when you raise your own heartbeat so much you can give the baby a heart attack. Well, something like that. I haven’t been to worried because i don’t think any hypothetical baby has a heartbeat yet. Its still a bunch of cells. I think. AND my heart rate is remarkably low. 33-45 resting. If it goes up a little its still not going to go to high levels that trouble me. Did I do something wrong?
But I digress. Jack is convinced. My mom is convinced. But how can I tell them that negative pregnancy tests mean something at 20 days post ovulation? that I feel my breasts losing tenderness though they are still more dense than I have ever felt them? But beyond these, I can feel my period coming. I know its coming. I know I am not just as much as I thought I knew that I was three weeks ago.
In some ways I want AF to hurry up and come so the next cycle can begin. In other ways, I know that not only will I be disappointed my family will too. And that hurts most of all.