PerspectiveApril 23, 2008
I am a worst case scenario person in general. I also have a very short string of patience. These combine to make a very frantic person when waiting for something. After I took the bar exam, I began checking my mailbox and e-mail the the day after I took the exam. When Jack and I got engaged, every day I worried if we would fight that day and it would be the end of us. It seems I do this all the time and that this is not just limited to the Maybe Baby dilemma. Stopping hurtful habits is an important part of growth. The way I worry, and stress is not good for me. There are an insane amount of illnesses and diseases that are linked to stress. In fact, I have a mild heart condition that my doctor told me could worsen into a life threatening condition requiring a pace maker if I stress too much. So I really do need to chill out in my worrying in general.
So here are my rules that I am going to try.
1. When I catch myself falling into negative thinking, try to change it, or get up and do something else. Call a friend and talk about something else, watch a TV Show, do some research for work.
2. Focus on positive things on baby related news. If I must research baby stuff, research product reviews on baby toys, supplies, on hospitals and delivery. Focus on the good stuff that I want. Whether I have a baby on my own, or through adoption, I know that I will hopefully be a mother. So looking up this sort of information can never really be a bad idea.
3. Pray. Pray. Pray. I have really lost touch with my spirituality and I think I need this to re-center. Sometimes I feel guilty that I seem to remember this just when I need God most in my life. But I guess He made us, so He hopefully understands. Lately I just have had personal issues with the concept of God. Though I can’t help but believe in Him, I still dont understand how there is so much pain and hurt in the world. I feel selfish and wrong asking for things, and I feel “why would God listen to me when so many others are in worse states than me” Still, prayer is more for me, than for God. And God has his reasons for everything, I just may not understand them.